I Can't Decide
by lovers.dreamers.me
Summary: SLASH! Spot can't decide wheather Jack should live or die...


Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies or this song or anything else here.

Faith, I know you hate these type of things. Sorry.

_It's not easy having yourself a good time  
Greasing up those bets and betters  
Watching out they don't four-letter_

Even though he was losing miserably, Spot still laughed at all of Racetrack's jokes. He was determined to have a good time. No matter what.

And then there he was. Jack Kelly, sauntering around the room. Flashes of the boy naked, biting his bare flesh flashed though his head. Spot tried not to pay him any attention, but instead on getting his money back. But every so often, he'd spot Jack out of the corner of his eyes.

_Fuck and kiss you both at the same time  
Smells-like something I've forgotten  
Curled up died and now it's rotten_

The horniness from being in the same room as Jack had overwhelmed Spot. And now he was randomly screwing two other guys he'd picked up at the bar.

Sex was sex, and he moaned with pleasure as one of their tongues entered his mouth. But through the whole thing, he hated it. The smell was terrible; not like the way he and Jack smelled. It made him sick. And he hated that too. He hated himself, he hated the guys, but most of all, he hated Jack Kelly.

_I'm not a gangster tonight  
Don't want to be a bad guy  
I'm just a loner baby  
And now you're gotten in my way  
_

The next night, Jack did nothing but taunt him. He wouldn't go near Spot, yet he threw glances at him. Glances that said he wasn't sorry. That he was _glad_. And it went on for days.

It made Spot crazy. He had to be at the bar every night to see Jack. He couldn't sleep when he got home. He couldn't even look at another man. All he wanted was Jack Kelly. And Spot Conlon got his way.

But when he didn't, _no one did_.

_I can't decide  
Whether you should live or die  
Though, you'll probably go to heaven  
Please don't hang your head and cry  
_

In the following days, Spot had stood outside Jack's door numerous times, gun in his pocket, ready to kill Jack. But he couldn't do it. He would stand there, contemplating. He couldn't decide what to do about this man.

_No wonder why  
My heart feels dead inside  
It's cold and hard and petrified_

_Lock the doors and close the blinds  
We're going for a ride_

Spot found himself unable to enjoy anything. All he could think about was how much he wanted Jack Kelly. And how to kill him.

_It's a bitch convincing people to like you  
If I stop now call me a quitter  
If lies were cats you'd be a litter  
_

Spot was determined not to let anyone what this was doing to him. He put on a mask to cover it all. He was supposed to be unbreakable. It was so hard making the pain invisible. It was like a knife was ripping though his heart and he couldn't scream. But he had to keep going. Lying became normal; he would hardly realize that was what he was doing. He couldn't quit. He needed the perfect plan for murder.

_Pleasing everyone isn't like you  
Dancing jigs until I'm crippled  
Slug ten drinks I won't get pickled  
_

Then out of the blue, Jack seemed to know something. Spot couldn't put his finger on what, but there was something. Jack became more friendlier; taking Spot's friends away from him, turning people against him. Spot found himself having to bring people drinks rather than people bringing his drinks. And that's when he knew Jack needed to stop. For good.

_I've got to hand it to you  
You've played by all the same rules  
It takes the truth to fool me  
And now you've made me angry_

To the average person, Jack would seem not to notice Spot. But oh did he notice him. He would tantalize him from afar. Making sure Spot saw him leaving with a man kissing his neck. He would make sure to give Spot the final goodbye look as he went through the door.

And then it happened. The reality hit Spot that Jack was gone. He would never be his again. His tongue would never again be in Spot's mouth. And even though they'd been separate for some time now, Spot became very mad. He'd go to the bar now and get too drunk to think sensibly and then go beat someone to a bloody pulp. All the time he hoped the stranger he was killing was Jack.

_I can't decide  
Whether you should live or die  
Though, you'll probably go to heaven  
Please don't hang your head and cry  
_

Torn between his love and hate, Spot became raving mad. Mad meaning angry _and_ insane. He was going to kill Jack Kelly. He'd never have him, so neither would anyone else. All he needed was a plan to make Jack repent for what he'd done. And that boy would go to hell. Before he was dead.

_No wonder why  
My heart feels dead inside  
It's cold and hard and petrified  
Lock the doors and close the blinds  
We're going for a ride_

Spot hated himself for thinking such thought of harming someone so beautiful, but he also hated himself for having thoughts of sleeping with someone so beautiful. It tore him apart. Further than was ever intended for any human. So far, there was no going back now.

_Oh I could throw you in the lake  
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake  
I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone  
_

Spot began plotting his scheme. Those sleepless nights went to use. He would plan an elaborate idea on paper, crumple it up, throw it out, then uncrumple it and add it to his stack of 'maybes'. Oh how he'd his seeing Jack in the bar every night. But this, this pleased him more. He would kill Jack Kelly in a way no human had ever done before.

_Oh I could bury you alive  
But you might crawl out with a knife  
And kill me when I'm sleeping  
That's why  
_

And finally the idea came. It may have been done before, but it was so evil, so inhumane that he _needed_ to do it. It was the best torture, death, and burial all in one. He'd worked out all the details so nothing went wrong.

Spot Conlon was going to bury Jack Kelly alive.

_I can't decide  
Whether you should live or die  
Though, you'll probably go to heaven  
Please don't hang your head and cry  
_

Spot had been successful finding a wood box and digging a hole in the middle of the wooded area of a park to put it in. It was waiting for Jack right now. He'd been successful in finding a drug that would make just the right time to kick in. And he'd drugged Jack's drink. He'd been successful in breaking in the boy's apartment and kidnapping him without being caught. That boy was now passed out in the trunk of his rented car. Pulling up to the trees, Spot pulled Jack out of the trunk and dragged him to the box. He had to hurry; the drugs would soon wear off. Laughing to himself, he threw Jack in the box, shut it, and replaced the ground over it. Then he waited. And finally, he heard the first scream. It gave him more pleasure than any sex could have. And he knew _he _was in control now. He waited until Jack lost his voice. "Hello Jack," he said, hardly able to contain his excitement. "I hope you have fun down there. After all, this is what you did to me." And as he walked back to the car, the screams continued, calling his name. And while before he would've run back over there and claimed Jack as his own, he was satisfied with his work. Jack Kelly would suffer for breaking it off with Spot.

_No wonder why  
My heart feels dead inside  
It's cold and hard and petrified  
Lock the doors and close the blinds  
We're going for a ride_

Fin

Wow that was creepier than I thought…That's what I get for watching Criminal Minds, CSI: NY, and then listening to Scissor Sisters. Oh well. Reviews would be loverly as long as your nice :0P


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